...in which our hero Gormley battles her evil nemesis Gormley for control of the empire...
An epic battle has been quietly occuring on 4th street. 'Old Gormley' rallies the troops for a final showdown with 'New Gormley'. A few key differences in their strategy/personalities:
(and Landry feel free to edit as I have been a little hazy during some of New Gormley's escapades...)
Old Gormley:
1. Is unpacked within moments of moving into a new space. Perfectly chosen colors, textures, comfort.
2. Is an outstanding cook who loves nothing more than perfectly ironed napkins.
3. Always remembers to send birthday cards.
4. Is in bed by 10:59.
5. Loves order.
6. Labels things.
7. Straightens obsessively.
8. Plans ahead.
New Gormley:
1. Ran out of shampoo, didn't have the wherewithall to get to the store and didn't wash her hair for three days until Landry made her.
2. Has the most disorganized bag.... I find straw wrappers in it all the fucking time.
3. Has not washed the skirt she has on in about 2 weeks.
4. Prompted Landry to say "Are you reorganizing your bathroom cabinet?" and then replied "Bitch, that's how I get ready in the morning..."
5. Could be called angry.
6. Is ridiculously productive at work (but JUST at work).
7. Appreciates the grace that comes with chaos.
8. Can drink people double her size under the table (however often requires an escort home - thanks AD and Landry for last night).
9. Selectively controls only certain areas of her life, leaving the rest to fend for themselves.
10. Often finds herself awake at 3am chatting or recovering.
11. Has not had a couch to sit on since December.
There is a chance that some sort of truce will be reached. The conflicting Gormleys will split the empire... share an uneasy alliance. A balance will be reached and each will inform the others core. There is a better chance that only one will survive. Secretly? I'm rooting for the bitchy one.
posted by gormley at 8:26 AM
13 Comments:
please...
AD had nothing to do with it.
you would never have left the bathroom of the restaurant if he had his way....
i had to practically escort him home as well.
Can I put in a request for 1,2,3 and the occassional 8 from Old Gormley, and 6-10 from new?
Super-G - chaos and order brought together in a single compact package. Watch out world!
cmon now, anonymous posts are so high school....
Sorry, just assumed you'd realize it was me. -chris
i think you should still iron napkins, but dont drink 5 pitchers of sangria before that.
oh and i heard that you iron sheets for guests? you should stop that also.
No way. Ironing sheets becomes a defining characteristic. "What's jen like?" "She's the type of person who irons sheets for her guests" It establishes a reputation for hospitality second to none. Ironing sheets for yourself, however, establishes a reputation for insanity.
that could go either way...the ironing of sheets.
crazy?....
efficient?....
crazy?....
efficient?....
FYI.... NONE of you are getting ironed sheets.
Guess that settles that.
A sad day indeed.
i think hospitality would be "would you like scrambled or sunny side up?" or "there are clean towels(not ironed) on the shelf in the bathroom".
sister, i love you.
okay, only Melissa gets ironed sheets. It really is such a drastic shift from where I was. I think I'm sub-consciously revolting against the fact that 'perfect Jennifer's' life didn't work out as planned, so why bother.... you know? I'm guessing I'll fall back to the middle at some point. so only half the table will have ironed napkins if there is ever another dinner party of our fractured pals.
your life is working out as planned, except you and no one else in the universe knows how that will be yet. dont stop being organized etc. because you think thats the way its supposed to be.
Seriously, ironed sheets?
Scared now. Save me, New Gormley, you're my only hope!
Post a Comment
<< Home