meeting the family

i have a friend....
we wont name her but she might be a tiny bit smitten by a girl she went on a first date with.

Landry: uh oh
you got a feisty one
trouble

that one: you think?

Landry: she used the word 'rukus' when describing what you guys might do on your date.
seems like trouble to me.

that one: yes but 'nerd rukus' is different than 'landry rukus'
so definitely no on the movies?

Landry: i vote no to the movies
maybe you should bring her out with me and g

that one: on a second date?!?!?
hell NO

i'd rather poke my eyeballs out

its been awhile.
there IS stuff going on.
most of it not fit for writing here
for both of us
we'll get back to you when we become civilized again
till then...we spend saturdays drinking champagne and not getting out of bed.
and sometimes inviting friends.
xoj

There are 1000 thread count sheets on the other side of the pile of corpses. I start crawling over them. Now.

its almost president's day

i was going to write something typically bitchy for VD
but as i am trying to avoid clichè i will just leave you with

this

thanks Foxy

file under "vintage"

from wikipedia:

It is widely believed that the Church of Scientology was founded after a weekend-long Quaalude binge by its founders in the mid-1970's. In fact, one might theorize that part of the drug's placement on Schedule I was due to its role in the creation of this church.


and while that is incredibly exciting, this is the really gorgeous part:

Despite the fact that 'ludes are almost impossible to obtain in the United States, Scientology is still around. Were it not for methaqualone, the Church of Scientology would not exist today.

there are worse things than having a malformed personality....

i hate everyone
if i was just a tiny bit dumber
i wouldnt be so hateful

there was this guy in the laundromat yesterday
(which in itself is hateful)
he had those big GIANT headphones on
and i was thinking
god
i hope that music sounds exquisite
because you look like an ASSHOLE

and at that moment i realized
that if i was JUST dumb enough to think he was cool with those headphones
i wouldnt have hated humanity so much at that moment

there are worse things than having a malformed face

this is what happens when you go to the dentist to get 3 fillings replaced.


you are forced to drink beer from a straw.

the dentist, who happens to be a friend of mine assured me that i looked fine and that no one would even notice.
but what he didnt count into the equation was the drooling part.
the part where i had to clamp my mouth shut so hard that my jaw is now aching so drool wouldnt drip down my chin.
i walked in to gormleys pre boxed apartment and the first words out of her mouth were
"your face looks a little askew"

it seems that my 500 boyfriends that i found on the 10 block walk from the dentist to Gormleys house like that look
which i am lovingly now referring to as
the dirty elephant man style
I have now resorted to tucking a piece of tp inside the corner of my mouth to catch the errant drool.
and as the gap between the bottom of the straw and the bottom of my beer became more and more estranged I decided to go back to my old method.
drinking out of the bottle.
gormley disagreed with my solution

not on my suede chairs bitch. Lets try a little ingenuity
tip the bottle and keep the straw.

im doomed for the next 4 hours