3 days and counting...

to our month of organizing begins.

Between my mother and father I am a tangled mess of organization... confused?

my father:
1. Keeps a clipboard of ongoing projects at the ready near the dining table. My sister is famous for writing obvious bullet points down just to fuck with him... like "Breathe."
2. Sarcastic as hell.
3. Filthy sense of humor which he shares with my sister.
4. Is distracted by projects.
5. Can't multi-task without having hissy-fits to the delight of my sister, mother and me.
6. Doesn't cook sunny side up eggs near my sister and I because we stab them with a fork before they hit the table.
7. Eats the same lunch every day, and the breadsticks in the ziplock baggie have to FACE THE SAME FUCKING WAY. (Unsurprisingly, I think my mom, sister or I have at one point or another crushed them in the bag.)
8. Is fond of saying that I have 'broken his spirit'.
9. Has called me the 'eighth plague of Egypt' on more than occasion.

my mother:
1. Can cook the perfect meal out of old toast and a can of something... All MacGyver meets Gourmet Magazine photo ready and shit.
2. Can visually reorganize furniture before making someone else actually lift it.
3. Is one of the most creative people I know.
4. Snarky as hell when she needs to let it all out.
5. Is a natural leader.
6. Can do 80 projects at once, while figuring out the most efficient way to do each.
7. Takes care of everything/everyone in a 15 yard radius of her life.

Recently while moving from Boston to NYC, I called my father to go over the 'bullet points' of the million things I was trying to keep track of prenervousbreakdown (which has yet to happen by-the-by... I'll need to schedule one in...)

me: "So everything is all organized and ready?"

dad: "Yup."

me: "But what about..."

dad: interrupts.

dad: "Listen, I have my clipboard with everything written down... and not only is it alphabetical, its organized by friggin' weight of each item."

dad: "Jen, haven't you realized by now... mom and I are the reason you're so fucked up.... everything's taken care of."

... and it always is.

Things Gormley is taking care of
(in no particular order... - the Old Gormley would have alphabetized them.):

1. Buying a couch.
2. Repotting the 'divorce cactus' - I'm giving him a monster pot to grow into this year... he's already in a pissy mood from having to start over.
3. Ironing napkins (you can take the insanity out of the Gormley, but you can't... something, something...)
4. Set up bi-weekly dinners for friends... some of my best nights back in NYC have been laughing over Penne Vodka - well, I think the time I passed out at my own dinner party was a good night too, but I don't remember (Landry can fill in here...)
5. Hire enough people to balance out my team at work and avoid any of them shooting up the office... any Art Directors and Designers with Broadcast or ITV experience? Send them my way.
6. Spenidng more time reading in my soon to be furnished living room than the time it takes to whip up a vodkasodacranberrylimething.
7. Making curtains for the living room windows - Sadly, no more free show for/from the neighbors.