start as you mean to go on..

the first time i remember looking at a girl and thinking
"um..im not sure exactly whats going on here, but i really want to lick her head"
it was annabella lwin




i remember leaving the tv on in the living room in case the video came on. then i would run (generally falling over something–because im a clutz) to watch it. I would sometimes even shriek.

gay.

so
unbelieveably
homo

how no one ever came up to me at 9 and said:
"Jenny, for christmas, we decided to get you these Birkenstocks. Right now you wont understand, but someday it will all make sense to you", is really beyond my comprehension.
at 16, i picked this tall girl whose only resemblance to annabella lwin was brown hair.
it snowballed from there:
natalie merchant
bjork
michelle Rodriguez

and like my denial that i am picky about food...
when confronted with it,
i will absolutely deny
that i have a type.

welcome to the club

YP: to be a good programmer i'm convinced one needs to be OCD and ADD
a little hard to manage but the results are awesome

Landry: i would accidentally create a cyber puma if i was left to try to figure out programming
jbl's FAVORITE story to tell about me, to anyone who will listen
is how i was hitting on this girl once
and i was advising her that 5/8 was NOT even half
and that she wasnt really italian...

YP: um

Landry: ...because she was only 5/8

YP: i just got really sad about you

...those kids...

...are in such fucking trouble.

revisionist history

Myspace is a box full of ex boyfriends for me
another one found me a few weeks ago
luckily its one i liked

K: wow if i remember you were never into long relationships
i remember thats why you dumped me


landry:i probably dumped you because i liked anne beaver

uh

i realized how well behaved i have been for the past few years
when i woke up fully clothed this morning
and as that little haze started to lift
(you know the one...)
i started to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of myself
i am not yet hungover because its only 10:12am
around 1...
when i stop being drunk...
i will pay for it

Did they kill that stingray by the way? or is it roaming the ocean floor?

I still think Bindi should have her own show where she is followed around by Diane Sawyer (or maybe Barbara Walters) (or ooooo, Andersen Cooper and his porn-shot camera crew) and faces the stingray that killed her father.

Not to make the stingray feel all bad or anything about orphaning the poor girl... but to show him that a life of murder and crime doesn't get him anywhere. Sure, it might get Mr. Stingray on the news for awhile, but it doesn't get his kids any college tuition money, or stop his stingray wife from whoring around with the flounder. Bindi can help him get him back on a good path.

note to self

someone asked me what this blog was about and what I came up with was this:
its about how NOT to be stupid.
I also realized that considering how much 'diagonal walking' that goes on, people must not be reading.
on that note:
bindi jumped on her first croc and I want some of whatever they have tranquilized her mother with.
'' sure bindi, my only daugter, I think its a perfectly bully idea that you should wrestle a 9ft crocodile. I'm sure that an 8 year old can handle that. Say, can you hand me that syringe?''

Gormley: have to pack - motivated today - and we all know it wont last...
Landry: hahahahah - um - whats left? - is there anything?
Gormley: 3 plates and some bobby pins - fucker
Landry: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah -you better get to work then
Gormley: and my wedding dress
Landry: HAHAHAHA - cut it up and wrap the plates with it

muscle memory.

In a week (or so) I will be divorced. In practice I have been for awhile. You can't stand up in court with someone and hear them say things are fucked beyond repair and think anything but alienated from that shared life. A few days ago I noticed myself turning the missing ring with my thumb. I guess I always did it. The finality of things must have triggered it again. Just for another week (or so). Once I realized myself doing it, and kept finding that absence on my finger... I noticed myself doing it more. Muscle memory. So now there is that attachment to the one little gesture. A tiny movement of my thumb that I am left with as I nearly let go of the rest.

I'm ending our dry spell with a less-than-angry post, but it's early yet in the year, and 'Tigger' at Disney-world already hit a kid (posting later now that Landry has told me about 'furries')... so you'll all have to deal.

The last couple of months have been a funny haze. I'd like to assume it is the tail end of settling into my new life, but we all know that isn't likely to be true. I can say with certainty that the last couple of months have found me back to list-making, and a focus on what I want and need. No longer stumbling through the good luck and paths that fell before me when I wasn't trying, just hiding... I spent the last few hours packing my apartment to tackle moving next month. I miss a man who is too far away tonight who makes my family - and Landry - laugh in a way that comforts me and think of the future again. A future with all the fun rage and betrayal that makes me more interesting to talk to these days, but a future where I can ignore it too.

I watched fireworks on New Years Eve and didn't bat an eye. This portends well for my year.