Rodin

Its a strange thing to feel yr muscles in vivid detail.
How each one lays on top of,
or next to another one.
To experience them in a very specific way.
To feel different ones everyday so you can imagine them to be like the diagrams on the weight machines at the gym
showing what muscles you are working by coloring them red.
I'm sure its something that people who have been athletes all their lives have felt before.
But for me, having been sore from doing something strenuous is a different thing.
I can almost see how each muscle is shaped like by how it burns.
I don't think he understands exactly how much good this is doing for me
and on how many levels.

I feel like I am gaining some structure.
I've needed that desperately for a few years now and haven't been able to get it back.
I have been less distracted by things I have no control over.
I have been keeping the possibility of the looming depression at bay.
I am putting more thought into planning ahead.

Every so often I will catch him looking at me,
but it is a look that is stripped of any sort of desire.
He is looking at me like a sculptor would look at a piece of stone.
Trying to see what he can make of this little 'peasant-stock' body.

And?
I have always said that if I ever had an ass
I would be unbearable.
He's working on it.