I'm struggling with the heavy armor now...

A year of everything: of distrust (mostly in my own judgement - I hadn't even thought about trusting someone else until recently), of crying (my father has cleverly figured out when to just get me more coffee and not say a word), of drunken evenings (often) with Landry, of focus (on everything but myself), of control (of every thing around me that I possibly can), of restrictions (on my own path), of hurt (I still wince at remembering the rug being pulled out from under me and hitting the floor)...

And now, even though we approach winter? I'm wondering if there's a set of armor for summer. A lighter weight. I think I may not need as much. I want someone to tell me I'm going to be fine because I'm tired of saying it to myself. I want to be rescued for just a day to get some sleep - without the armor maybe. But I still have one eye out for the rug... which makes me sad. Hopeful though too... because now I'm looking out for it with only one eye... and I am easily distracted lately.