Find the edges first.

This post will sound like its about him, but it isn't. It's about the pieces left. How they fit. All of this is about what I'm left with now. The pieces... some gorgeous, some painful... all in little tiny stacks I've been trying to sort this last year without realizing it.

My carefully built and graceful path all reduced to a bit of rubble a year ago and ignored by me as I spun through selling the condo, moving, job 1, job 2... falling into successes as Fate's small, last gift to me. A little break.

And now I see these wavering little stacks. 'Trust' and 'loyalty' stacked near - but not touching - the stack of 'hurt' and 'betrayal'... which stands in the shadow of the stack of puzzle pieces labeled 'family', 'friends', 'safety', and 'home'.

And now I'm left figuring out which pieces to throw out. There is shit I should keep. Puzzle pieces that are worth the scars it took to get them... and there is a small pile starting of shit to let fall off. Pitch down the hill. No space left for it.

And so I'm left piecing the bits left together in my head. Start with the straight edges of the puzzle first. Count on one hand the gifts this last year has given me and figure out the complex middle with colors and shapes that don't match up.

I see projects, paths, and plans all 3 dimensionally... but I hate puzzles that require math. Piece 1 fits where? how does 'trust' fit with 'unknown'? 'Spite' fit with 'family'? 'Friends' with a shaky 'strength'? How many pieces can I keep? I'm less worried about fitting things together than I once was... but I still worry I lost a piece under the fucking couch that I haven't bought yet.