i hate that spider...

Landry and I scampered off to Fire Island and returned, sun-drenched (L:burned), today.



Gormley: A few things occurred:
1. I got bit by about 50 mosquitos.
2. Landry didn't get bit at all but has cancer due to the slathering on of DDT from a container whose language we couldn't read.
3. During a gorgeous rain storm in the middle of the night, a spider bit my eyelid and I woke up swollen on one side. Pretty.
4. I fell asleep to Landry reading excerpts from The Nick Tosches Reader.
5. We slept in the attic of a dollhouse with pink sheets and lace comforters. I felt like a doll... well, a drunk doll with a swollen right eye.

Landry: also?!? a few things did NOT occur
1. i did not have nearly enough to drink to be asked to endure straight people who eat something called "Fried cheesecake"
for the record: gays do not eat "fried cheesecake".

2. it did not bring forth any "motherly instincts" from me.
Truth be told I wanted to know why there were bigwheels on the boardwalk and what could be done about them.
"Don't you people in this community have a council that takes care of this sort of nusance??!?" ( i may have also tried to run one of them off the boardwalk into the deer pit)

3. I didn't kill anyone.
which, all considered, was a miracle.
between the stupidity, the yapping, the fraternities, the firehhouse dancing, the drunken teenagers, the fat children with ice cream dripping from their jowls coupled with infinitely less to drink than i normally have, people really should have died.

Gormley: A few things were said:
1. "That little girl DOES NOT need a pretzel..."
2. "I welcome Armageddon."
3. "Do you have a grenade in your bag?"
4. "We aren't flying, we could have brought something sharp."
5. Bartender, Nicky's CLAM SHACK: "You guys can take your drinks on the ferry... just put these paper bags over the bottles..."

Landry: all tolled, our hosts were charming and incredibly accomodating. The conversation was some of the best and most interesting I have had in a very long time and never in my life have i been interested in a mojito before this weekend.

but.
i will never venture that far west on the island ever again.